No. 48: Propose to Prince William
It was about a week since Becky left, and I’d already spent several moments during that time writing her messages on Facebook like “I miss your face.” Pushing the biscuit wrapper off my bed with one socked toe, I decided I needed to find a new way to occupy my time.
I was diving into work, and trying to come up with some flowery prose that would convince the future king of England to marry me.
It couldn’t be that difficult, I had a university degree in writing after all. I sat and stared blankly at my empty Word document, then quickly called in backup. I texted Rebecca and Lauren: if you were proposing to prince william what would you say?
After ten minutes of patient waiting, Rebecca responded: i tried to think of a pithy joke to write back, i’ve got nothing. why are you texting me from down the hall?
It appeared I was on my own in the cell of solitude. After a bit more hemming and hawing, I decided to write from my heart and closed my Word document, planning instead to put pen to paper (a handwritten note is more personal anyway):
Dear Prince William,
How have you been? I know I don’t know you, but I figure I should begin our acquaintance by being polite.
I am writing to offer you my hand in marriage. It may seem sudden, but I have been enamored with you for the last decade, so for me it seems well over due. I would be a lovely wife and I think I would make a charming addition to the royal family.
If you ever feel like meeting up for coffee and a chat about our possible future, feel free to look me up.
I’m still waiting for my reply.