Sprechen ze English?

No. 23: Become a citizen of Europe
No. 24: Have a pub sing-a-long
...Hunkered down on either side of our sofa, Becky and I agree to attack the Internet and purchase the cheapest airline ticket we spy, wherever it may be to.

We’re furiously typing in links to Ryan Air, STA Travel, and Easyjet, shouting city names back and forth at each other. Aberdeen, Figari, Katowice, Lamezia, Zadar. We’re calling out foreign sounds in a sort of travel Mad Libs, when I hit upon a £20 flight.

“It’s to Düsseldorf,” I tell Becky.

“Where the hell is Düsseldorf?”

“I have no idea,” I say, pulling up Wikipedia, and immediately wishing I hadn't.

I have no desire to go to Germany. When I picture myself as a jet setting world traveller I’m usually on my way to somewhere that will require costume jewellery, large sunglasses and a fake name. Something like Isadora. It does not require sausage, lederhosen or wooden shoes.

Becky’s looking as unsure as I am. I mourn the loss of Italian frescos, Greek columns and Spanish men named Carlos; I miss Zadar. But a challenge is a challenge. Heaving a great breath, we glance at each other, set our resolve, and press purchase...

To read the full column follow this link and turn to page 18: http://www.totallyjewish.com/the_jewish_news/view/c-12224/jewish-news-jn-597-060809/?no_login=1